How Emotional Intelligence Defines What Makes a Good Leader
Would you want to work for you?
It’s a confronting question. One most leaders don’t ask themselves often enough. Many are quick to focus on KPIs, strategy decks, or motivational team sessions, but they rarely pause to reflect on how they themselves are experienced by those they lead.
Leadership isn’t just about results. It’s about emotional impact. The way you respond to setbacks, celebrate wins, handle stress, and connect with your team are all moments that shape your leadership legacy more than any spreadsheet or milestone. People want to feel seen, heard, and valued, not just managed. And when it comes to what makes a good leader, emotional intelligence plays a critical role.
More than a buzzword emotional intelligence, it’s the human side of leadership that often gets overlooked. Understanding and developing your emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection; it’s about awareness. Psychologist Daniel Goleman has been one of the most influential voices in defining this space, outlining five essential traits that help define what makes a good leader.
So, what makes a good leader in today’s environment? Let’s explore Goleman’s five emotional intelligence traits.
Meet the Mind Behind Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman is a psychologist and science journalist who brought the concept of emotional intelligence, also known as EQ, into mainstream leadership thinking. His landmark article, “What Makes a Leader?” published in the Harvard Business Review, revealed something groundbreaking: the best leaders don’t just have high IQs or elite résumés as many may think, they have emotional depth and self-awareness.
Goleman introduced a five-part EQ framework that helps leaders understand and improve how they manage themselves and relate to others. His research showed that EQ often outweighs raw intelligence or technical expertise when it comes to leadership success. In other words, how you make people feel has as much impact as what you know —and that’s at the heart of what makes a good leader.
This isn’t just theory, it’s been validated across industries and organizational sizes. Companies with emotionally intelligent leadership consistently outperform their peers in terms of employee retention, engagement, and even profitability.
Emotional intelligence also fosters more inclusive, resilient workplaces. When leaders model EQ, they create environments where people feel psychologically safe—able to speak up, share ideas, and admit mistakes without fear of blame. This ripple effect empowers teams to innovate and collaborate with greater confidence.
So, what are these five emotional traits and how can you use them to lead more effectively?
The Five EQ Traits that Show What Makes a Good Leader
1. Self-Awareness
Definition: Knowing one’s strengths, weaknesses, and emotions.
Ask Yourself:
- Do I understand how my mood or tone affects others?
- Can I admit when I’ve made a mistake? Am I able to apologize?
Example: A team leader notices that their frustration during a failed or delayed project subtly discourages open feedback from team members. Instead of brushing it off, they acknowledge their emotional reaction and initiate a transparent team debrief.
Practical Tip: Start a daily leadership journal. Jot down one moment where your emotions influence your behavior- for better or worse. Over time, you’ll spot patterns that reveal blind spots or hidden strengths.
Why It Matters: Leaders who demonstrate self-awareness are often seen as more authentic. That authenticity breeds trust. When your team knows that you recognize your own flaws, they feel more comfortable acknowledging theirs, which leads to a more honest and productive culture.
2. Self-Regulation
Definition: Controlling or redirecting disruptive emotions.
Ask Yourself:
- How do I respond under pressure?
- Do I react or respond?
Example: During a high-stakes and vital meeting, a manager receives unexpected criticism. Instead of lashing out or shutting down, they pause, breathe, and respond thoughtfully, modeling calm under fire.
Practical Tip: Use the “pause and breathe” method before responding to emotional triggers. A 10-second delay can prevent a 10-day fallout.
Why It Matters: Unchecked emotional reactions—especially from leadership—can derail morale and erode trust. By practicing self-regulation, leaders reinforce a culture of calm accountability, even when stress runs high.
3. Motivation
Definition: Being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.
Ask Yourself:
- What fuels my leadership: recognition or real impact?
- Would I still push forward without applause?
Example: A CEO stays committed to improving the client experience, not because it’s glamorous, but because it aligns with their mission and core values.
Practical Tip: Revisit your “why” once a quarter. Write down what motivates you beyond metrics or money. Then share that purpose with your team.
Why It Matters: Motivated leaders lift others. When your team sees that your energy comes from genuine purpose—not ego—they’re more likely to rally behind shared goals. It creates a culture of purpose, not pressure.
4. Empathy
Definition: Considering others’ feelings, especially when making decisions.
Ask Yourself:
- Do I notice when someone on my team is struggling?
- Do people feel safe sharing concerns with me, and do I genuinely respond to them?
Example: A team member’s performance drops. Instead of jumping to conclusions, their manager checks in privately and learns about a personal issue. That empathy opens the door to trust and recovery.
Practical Tip: In one-on-one meetings, ask this question: “What’s something outside of work that’s been on your mind lately?” You’ll gain trust, balance, and unity.
Why It Matters: Empathy bridges the gap between authority and humanity. It helps leaders make better decisions—not just for the business, but for the people driving it. Empathy turns bosses into mentors.
5. Social Skills
Definition: Managing relationships to move people in desired directions.
Ask Yourself:
- Can I navigate conflict while keeping relationships intact?
- Do people feel inspired and included around me?
Example: A new team member struggles to integrate into the group. Sensing the disconnect, the leader organizes a casual team meeting in order to allow the new member to converse with the team. This provides a sense of connection and a chance to bond and find mutual interests.
Practical Tip: Invest time in learning the communication styles of your team. Tailoring your approach shows respect and increases your likability and trustworthiness.
Why It Matters: Great leaders don’t just manage tasks—they manage relationships. Teams thrive when leaders foster collaboration, celebrate team wins, and resolve tension with grace. Social skills are the glue that keeps a team connected through change.
Leading with EQ: Your Competitive Edge
Emotional intelligence isn’t a soft skill; it’s also a strategic advantage. Goleman’s five-part framework gives you a language and lens to evaluate your leadership beyond spreadsheets and performance reviews. It’s a roadmap to understanding what makes a good leader— someone people want to follow, not just have to.
So, what can you do with this?
- Pick one trait to focus on each month. Make it your leadership theme!
- Ask for honest feedback from peers or direct reports on how you show up emotionally.
- Share your journey with your team. Vulnerability is a leadership strength.
In practice, building EQ takes intention. It requires daily reflection and a willingness to ask tough questions—starting with, “Would I want to work for me?”
This question isn’t about guilt or shame. It’s about growth. It’s about stepping into leadership with humility and a desire to do better, not just perform better. When you lead with emotional intelligence, you build trust. You create safety. And ultimately, you make people feel like they matter—and that’s what makes a good leader.
Whether you’re managing a small team, leading a department, or running an entire company, the ability to recognize and manage emotions—both your own and others’—will set you apart. Leadership is not about being perfect. It’s about being aware, being human, and being committed to growth.
And in a world where burnout is rising, connection is waning, and change is constant, emotionally intelligent leaders aren’t just nice to have—they’re essential.
